Consequences

If you remember from an earlier post, Millie and Tillie stories were my Mom’s way of teaching us the consequences of our actions. In her stories, Millie was very, very good and Tillie was awful. We had stories for every occasion and on our way to an event we were always told a story so we knew what would happen if we misbehaved and acted like Tillie.

I used Millie and Tillie with my children and now I continue the tradition with my grandchildren. There have been stories for going to the dentist, the first day of school, and as they got older, fighting a traffic ticket and even one for being in labor. You are never too old to hear what the consequences of your actions will be in life!

Another way to teach consequences is to let someone guess what the punishment will be for someone else. I always used another child’s behavior as a teaching experience when my child was being good. When we were at a restaurant and a child was acting unruly I would whisper to mine and ask what she thought would happen to the one that was misbehaving. It was interesting that my child knew what the consequences were and she would shake her head in woe for the other child. Of course when it was mine misbehaving no amount of whispering helped!

At about three years old a child learns to listen and obey and they are usually able to play with the understanding that they cannot run into the street. They begin to understand some of the logic of life. This doesn’t mean they like it or that they will always be mindful, it just means they are beginning to be able to figure things out. Actually, it is a time of great joy for a parent. It is fun to watch our children gain independence and start making decisions.

One of the joys of being a grandparent is not having to say no very often. Rules are relaxed and we have all the time in the world to lavish attention on our grandchildren when they are with us. However, we have learned that all children test the limits every once in awhile and even grandparents need to set standards and rules. We used to take our grandkids to McDonalds about once a week and we let them play for a very long time after dinner. I remember one time when our first grandchild was almost three when we didn’t go to McDonalds for a month. Every time she asked to go we said we couldn’t go there because she wouldn’t leave when we said it was time to go home the last time we were there. I reminded her that we had to carry her out the door screaming and kicking with people wondering if I was kidnapping her.

A month later I asked if she was ready to act like a big girl and go back to McDonalds for dinner and fun in the playland. She said she would be very good when it was time to leave and she was. Since that time we have never had a problem when it was time to go home. We have watched many parents struggle with their kids when it is time to leave and our grandkids always run up and tell us that those kids won’t be back for a very long time!

Learning the consequences of our actions is not an easy lesson to learn. Teaching this can be frustrating and may seem like a never-ending job. These lessons are important to teach and they are the basis for instilling values and ethics in our children, the satisfaction of having your children become responsible adults is the reward.