Difficult Choices

Let me begin this with this, that I usually do not voice my opinion on the abortion issue - that is because I know that many, many women have made that difficult choice in the past and I know many of them personally. So, I have not talked about this issue much. However, with the President stating he wants to find common ground about the issue both sides can agree upon - I didn't think I could skirt the issue any longer. I don’t think that President Obama is going to change his mind about pro-choice for mothers. With that in mind, what do I want to tell him? First and foremost, consider there are many other choices – other than abortion.

• The first choice: We must be diligent in teaching our children that abstinence is important. Making choices before becoming an adult is very difficult. There is not enough I can say about the many problems of babies having babies - it happens all over America. We see it on a daily basis. Asking our children to wait to have sex – asking them to commit to being true to themselves instead of to pressure is important.
• The second choice if the first choice isn’t going to happen: would be to teach the importance of birth control. It is not only important to use birth control but to use it wisely. Understanding how to use it – not to miss one time in taking the pill, realizing that some medication may interfere with the pill working. Knowing that you still have to say no when it is not safe to have sex. Knowing that there are many complications to saying yes – low self esteem – problems in the relationship and if it doesn’t work (and many times it just doesn’t work – no matter how sure you are that it will) you are now faced with many choices that do not consider your dreams and hopes for your own future.
• If the first two choices do not work: Children raising children is a very difficult choice. One that takes commitment (which by not using the first two choices shows that making good decisions and committing to a choice may be difficult for these parents). Sometimes it works - many times it means grandparents, aunts and uncles taking the responsibility of raising the children. I would say this is a very hard choice to make – one that is difficult to see the outcome – because if I have learned one thing in life – it is that not much turns out the way we expect it to and this is a huge commitment that not many first time parents really understand. I know when I had my first child I didn’t think much past the “I can’t wait to have a baby” – I thought about holding and snuggling with a newborn, playing and laughing with the baby. I didn’t think about ear infections, up all night with teething, babies that don’t like to nap, diapers, laundry, allergies, teenagers – these things never crossed my mind.
• One of my daughters made this choice in her life: she married early right out of high school – had her children right away and has a wonderful husband and family. They are in the minority with this type of marriage working – they were so young – just 18 when they got married. They have worked hard over the years at their marriage and that is why it has worked. I see their daughter in high school deciding her future. My wish for her is that she decides NOT to decide at the moment. Wait to decide until after she graduates – goes out to see the world – whether it is in the service of this country – or going to medical school first – whatever she wants to do – just to WAIT – before making a relationship commitment. She has hopes and dreams and I want her to realize those hopes and dreams. They have a son – my wish for him is exactly the same – to know that it is as much his responsibility to say no as it is for his girlfriend to say no. To WAIT – just as I want his sister to WAIT.
• My other daughter made this choice: she became pregnant in college and knew she was not ready to be a parent. She wanted two loving parents to bring up her baby. Through counseling she found a wonderful couple to adopt her baby. Most of her friends became angry with this decision – did not support her decision and wanted her to get an abortion – for some reason that was okay to them and adoption was not acceptable to them. I have heard this many times over in several different cases – it is totally unbelievable to me that this is actually how many believe today. Adoption then seems to be one of the most difficult choices. One that is filled with love, pride, hurt, loneliness, satisfaction, and longing all wrapped up together. This adoption was an open adoption – which means that we get to see her daughter. With great support from her family – wonderful parents of her child – we have watched our daughter create a family. My daughter is now married to a wonderful man with a great family – and now she is a step-mother to two adult daughters and a grandmother of two adorable children.

So what do I say again to Mr. Obama? When you say you are pro-choice it is with the idea that other choices have been thought about by the parents. That they have considered every single other opportunity available to their baby. I don’t think that is happening. I think abortion is the answer before there is even a thought about anything else in many cases. So I would ask with all my heart that President Obama was pro-choice for the millions of unborn, realizing they too should be able to choose what they want in life – I don’t think of course that the unborn would choose death.